KIMCHI CUDDLES

TW: abuse, rape, gaslightingMessage from Franklin’s...

Sun, 18 Apr 2021 19:11:37 -0400

TW: abuse, rape, gaslighting

Message from Franklin’s survivors. Celeste, Elaine, Amber, Lauren, Melanie, Lisa, Joanna, Paula, Rose, Marissa and Eve, I stand with y'all
https://fv-survivors.medium.com/solidarity-statement-from-the-franklin-veaux-survivors-5d7714b6bf20

text reads:
I haven’t followed much of the stuff about Franklin, partially because my own trauma around abuse makes me freeze up and avoid the topic, out of some leftover childish hope that if I ignore it it’ll just go away.

But right when it was coming up again, a popular dude in my local friend circle started posting about the “unfair slander” that a woman was making against him by coming forward with her survivor story.

It brought up feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, and guilt about my own failures as a community leader when these issues have come up in the past. When I believed the likeable, sensitive guys’ stories instead of the women who lashed out in desperate attempts to be heard. (image of sensitive guy with a single tear: “I’ve never even harmed a fly!”).

I’m also really, REALLY mad that there isn’t a clear go-to framework for accountability networks ALREADY set up. I want there to be a well-established group of (mostly dudes) supporting each other in healing, learning, and holding each other accountable for rape and abuse so they can figure out how to STOP DOING THIS SHIT to the rest of us.

But at the bare minimum, I no longer am suckered in by the sob stories of “sensitive” men who are trying to cover up their cruelty with distractions.

Thank you for supporting my work
TikvaWolf.com

For a framework of HOW to get in touch with that wound, please...

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 18:26:32 -0400

For a framework of HOW to get in touch with that wound, please take a look at Resmaa Menakem’s book / workbook “My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies” resmaa.com

Here is a podcast interview with the author that is a great intro to his work: https://tinyurl.com/5xvjxn8j

text reads:
Panel 1: “As a kid, I was taught about racism in a very segregated context, and the only solutions offered were useless platitudes: "we’re all the same INSIDE!”.. “can’t judge a book by it’s cover!”.
Panel 2: “It was very gentle. It was designed by white people for white people, and the main focus was reassuring us that we were the good ones. Our comfort was at the center of the lesson.” (image of nervous white teacher: “Great job for listening to this awkward subject for a few minutes! Let’s move on now!!”).
Panel 3: “There were no next steps. We were taught that if we simply ignored race, we had succeeded in destroying racism forever.”(image of white person heroically declaring: “I don’t see color!”).
Panel 4:“But white supremacy is designed to keep white folks constantly comfortable, catered to, and centered. It is a memory in our bodies that has been passed down for generations. In order to dismantle it, we need to reach down deep to feel the wound.”

This racialized trauma will keep playing out until we...

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 10:57:43 -0400

This racialized trauma will keep playing out until we collectively deal with it. If you know a cop, give them a copy of “My Grandmother’s Hands” by @resmaa menakem. And get yourself a copy if you haven’t read it! Here’s a recent interview with the author:
https://onbeing.org/programs/resmaa-menakem-notice-the-rage-notice-the-silence

text reads:

Cops with their guns drawn and surrounding a Black child who is holding a brightly colored water gun: “Careful!! He’s got a WEAPON!!!”
MAGA dude covered in guns: “Phew, thanks for keeping #alllives SAFE!”

Thank you for supporting my work! Patreon.com/kimchicuddles...

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 07:26:23 -0400

Thank you for supporting my work!
Patreon.com/kimchicuddles
TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
“They say "communication is key” but having different communication STYLES can make it difficult to understand each other! Many things can come into play during a simple conversation:
- power dynamics
- cultural differences
- trauma triggers
- neurological differences
- morality beliefs
- personal preferences

Some folks think it’s inherently rude to interrupt… But for others, mutual interruptions during a conversation are actually signs of interest and engagement! What’s your communication style like and how does it match up with the people you are closest to? What helps you feel understood and understand others?“

What are YOUR preferences?TikvaWolf.comtext reads:Panel...

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 08:48:08 -0400

What are YOUR preferences?
TikvaWolf.com

text reads:

Panel 1:
Different people feel nourished by completely different kinds of communication and shared time, so it’s nice to check in instead of assuming you have the same preferences. Some experience “parallel play” as deeply connecting (image of Kim and Vash happily doing separate things while playing footsies).
Panel 2:
while some feel ignored and hurt by the lack of focused attention. (image of Nora glaring at Lily while she’s texting).
Panel 3:
Some feel more deeply heard if you respond to their stories with related personal stories, while some feel like you’re rudely changing the subject! So it’s nice to ask… (image of Kim asking Rajeev: “What are your preferences?”)

#communicationstyle #timetogether #connection

The “best of” comic compilation “Ask Me About...

Tue, 13 Apr 2021 09:04:30 -0400

The “best of” comic compilation “Ask Me About Polyamory” is just the first 4 years of my comics and I think now I’m at somewhere like 7 years?? I keep saying that when I hit comic #1000 I’ll make an updated collection of some sort with commentary on the earlier comics and what I think now…. but I guess I better get on that because I’m at #952 lol

Anyway, you can find all my current books here: tikvawolf.com/books

I always love seeing the fun things y'all do with the portraits...

Sat, 10 Apr 2021 13:03:01 -0400

I always love seeing the fun things y'all do with the portraits I make you (matching t-shirts, mugs, metallic prints, posters, holiday cards, etc), and it inspired me to make my own POLYCULE PILLOW! Thank you for supporting my work, and if you’d like your very own portraits, check out TikvaWolf.com/services

To everyone who deals with stress by focusing outward and being...

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 16:38:09 -0400

To everyone who deals with stress by focusing outward and being helpful, I hope you’re getting what YOU need too!
patreon.com/kimchicuddles

text reads:
Kim, smiling: “I’ve been in survival mode for over a year! I’ve been able to stay strong for those who needed extra support!”
Kim, smiling: “I wonder what will happen once I feel safe enough to let my guards down and get in touch with my OWN needs!”
Kim, wide eyed and laying down on the ground: “Uh oh.”

Written with real-life Rajeev TikvaWolf.comBypassin’...

Sat, 03 Apr 2021 15:08:04 -0400

Written with real-life Rajeev
TikvaWolf.com

Bypassin’ Betty: “Informing people of the harm they’re causing is just creating more division!! Why don’t you just LOVE EVERYONE?”
Rajeev: “OK!”

Rajeev: “I love you, and by that I mean: I will do my best to be in integrity with what I’m responsible for, as I hold you accountable for what you are responsible for.”

Rajeev: “I love you, and by that I mean: I will take an honest look at the division that already exists and WHY, instead of sweeping it under the rug in exchange for the plastic veneer of cohesiveness.”

Thanks for supporting my work! TikvaWolf.comtext reads:Dating...

Fri, 02 Apr 2021 11:32:36 -0400

Thanks for supporting my work! TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
Dating profiles are hilarious. I love the range on the straights’ profiles from “impress me” to “here’s an extremely specific list of who may apply but you better not be like all the others I swear to fucking god”… And the range on queer profiles from “I am a literal swamp monster” to “I am a literal pile of kittens covered in glitter and stacked on top of each other in a mermaid onesie”

My mom is an amazing violin teacher, because she’s...

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 17:16:34 -0400

My mom is an amazing violin teacher, because she’s struggled with the violin all her life AND has been dedicated to always continuing to learn and improve her playing. She’s made it into orchestras, but what really qualifies her to be a teacher is the struggles she went through along the way (and the fact that she never fully transcended them). That’s HOW she knows how to help others find their way, because she understands what it’s like to feel lost.
TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
Rando: “That person seems to have some relationship issues. Why are they teaching classes instead of seeking therapy?”
Kim: “Well it’s not an either or, is it?”

Kim: “The best teachers are honest about their humanness rather than trying to feed us shimmering illusions of perfection.” (signs in background read: Enlightenment the easy way! Buy now!) “And a lot of them DO seek therapy and further learning, while continuing to teach.”

Kim: “It’s ALSO true that people can cause more harm than good by teaching irresponsibly, especially on delicate topics that require a lot of awareness and care, like abuse, power dynamics, and consent.” (image of creepy teacher asking “so which one of you lovely ladies wants a private lesson later?”).

Kim: “But EVERYONE has both wisdom AND flaws. I’m more likely to trust a teacher who is open about their struggles than one who insists they’re immune to human experiences.”

Written with Amanda Levesque & Tom Kilby, inspired by their...

Mon, 29 Mar 2021 13:33:08 -0400

Written with Amanda Levesque & Tom Kilby, inspired by their videos about needs, bodies, disabilities, and dancing: https://youtu.be/S8ZepPq41s8

text reads:
“Why make video art about our needs? On these subjects taboo and mundane We are all temporarily able bodies on our way to limitations. Which parts of it are a dance? We record the reality of our lives because… Poop and pee and cleaning it up, this is already art. The personal is political. Everything we are doing is already a dance. We record these videos of daily needs, because one of them is a need for expression.”

TikvaWolf.com

Pretty sure I remember how to people! TikvaWolf.comWeetzie:...

Fri, 26 Mar 2021 12:07:49 -0400

Pretty sure I remember how to people! TikvaWolf.com

Weetzie: “People peopling post-pandemic will possibly be perplexing.”
Kim: “Potentially. Let’s practice!”
Weetzie: “Practice makes perfect, but the proof is in the pudding! Our perpetual people-eating population practically perplexes me in perpetuity…. Am I peopling passably?”
Kim: “PERFECTLY! We’re ready for to be re-integrated into society!”

I’m curious how many people’s social spheres have...

Sun, 21 Mar 2021 12:31:19 -0400

I’m curious how many people’s social spheres have shifted because of the past year. TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
Now that I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m also realizing that post-pandemic I won’t be able to participate in a lot of the social events that I used to enjoy, because all I’ll see in many of those faces are people who gleefully got away with murder.(someone wearing “nama-slay” shirt saying: “I didn’t wear a mask or stop socializing the whole time and nothing happened to me! Don’t YOU feel silly for believing in negative vibrations now?”)

But one huge gift from all this is feeling a much deeper connection with those who prioritize community care over willful ignorance, and I’m very grateful for being able to see more clearly who those people are now. My social circles won’t be gone after this; they have just boiled down to something much more specific. And I’m looking forward to co-creating that community!

GoFundMe links for the survivors and families of the Atlanta...

Thu, 18 Mar 2021 14:39:14 -0400

GoFundMe links for the survivors and families of the Atlanta shooting:
https://www.gofundme.com/…/help-elcias-hernandez-ortiz…
https://www.gofundme.com/…/funeral-and-family-financial…

text reads:
“No one should have to live in fear due to someone else’s ignorance and entitlement”

TikvaWolf.comtext reads:“One thing I learned from the...

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 11:57:52 -0400

TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
“One thing I learned from the pandemic is that apparently one of my love languages is "being willing to explore ridiculous new ways to connect despite obstacles” (image of Dr. Malcolm saying “Love, uh… finds a way”).
“I’m forever grateful to everyone who came to kiss me through windows…”
“danced with me over zoom calls, costumed or naked…”
“and let me caress them with the creepy foam hand of my "huggin’ stick”

“What do you miss most?” TikvaWolf.comtext...

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 17:57:59 -0400

“What do you miss most?” TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
Nora: “I’m going to kiss so many people when this is over! What kinds of gatherings do you miss most? Potlucks? Dancing? Cuddle piles?”
Kim: “Consensual violence.”
Nora: “What??”
Kim: “I have a LOT of pent up aggression from the past year, so when all this is over, my first plans will involve boxing, wrestling, and mosh pits.”

Happy pi day! It’s 2021, eat whatever pie/cake/tart is...

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 12:30:44 -0400

Happy pi day! It’s 2021, eat whatever pie/cake/tart is right for you! Mmm sacrilicious

TikvaWolf.com

text reads: “Happy pi day!”… “This is cheesecake”
“Eh, I was never really that great at math”

TikvaWolf.comtext reads:“We don’t owe each other...

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 15:17:49 -0500

TikvaWolf.com

text reads:
“We don’t owe each other labor or connection, AND our needs and emotions are always valid.”
“Our STRATEGIES to getting needs met are not always NECESSARY. The WAYS we express our emotions are not always HELPFUL. Forcing labor or connection on ourselves or others is not KIND.”
“So… What is the distance where I can respect your autonomy while honoring my needs?”

TikvaWolf.comText reads: “‘They just want...

Tue, 09 Mar 2021 12:34:45 -0500

TikvaWolf.com
Text reads: “‘They just want attention’ is a bizarre reason to deny another human being the empathy and support they need.”(image of someone vulnerably asking for support while others turn away in anger and disgust)